Something that helped teach me about the transition from the "normal” world to Lala-land was a movie called SWIMMING WITH SHARKS. For those who haven’t seen it, it’s the story of an assistant to a mean ol’ nasty producer who finally snaps one day, holds his boss hostage, and pours Tabasco sauce in inflicted paper-cuts on his face.

It’s a poignant and sweet tale of (taken off the DVD cover) “back-stabbing, two-facedness, and revenge” in Hollywood. When once I used to laugh at the absurdity of the film, now I cry when I think of how true it actually is for many, many, many people. This film is chock full of important lessons to surviving the biz. Below are a couple of my favorites that I've learned to follow.


1.) “This is not business, it’s show business. Punching below the belt is not only all right, it’s rewarded.” – Rex (played by Benicio Del Toro)

This is very true. People can get away with just about anything out here- remember that. OJ, Robert Blake, Michael Jackson… The key is, when you’re playing with the big boys, wear a jock strap and/or you do the punching in the crotch first.


2.) “Life is not a movie. Everyone lies, good guys lose, and love does not conquer all.” – Buddy Ackerman (played by Kevin Spacey)

Yes- don’t trust anyone. This goes for any industry. People are crazy. However, you can be nice- just don’t let anyone walk all over you. Being nice really works to your advantage. Nobody likes an asshole. And love? Hahaha….good luck finding it in this town.


3.) “You have no brain. What you think means nothing. What you feel means nothing… You are solely there to protect your boss’s interests and serve his needs.” -Buddy Ackerman

This is true. However, don’t be afraid to show that you are an asset to the company in more ways then just making coffee. Bosses respect an employee who is pro-active. Once you’ve been at a job for awhile and your boss is not receptive to your ideas or suggestions, maybe it’s time to get a new job.


4.) Details like what kind of artificial sweetener to put in your boss’ coffee really do matter.

I can’t begin to tell you that the key to being a good employee is paying attention to detail. It really is all about the little things, as silly as they may seem. In order to let your superiors trust that you can grow, you need to tackle, devour, and become a master at the small things first (it’s a craft knowing what sushi restaurant your boss likes or organic toilet paper he/she prefers to wipe their ass with). It may seem monotonous and humiliating at times, but trust me, you have no choice.


5.) “You have to ask yourself, what is it that you really want?” - Buddy Ackerman

This says it all. Just keep asking yourself that every day. Remember when you get caught up in all the mumbo jumbo that is being an assistant- you have goals and dreams and that is why you came to Hollywood in the first place.