This is a good solid read. I am not a huge fan of romantic comedies, but this was well written and strongly paced. Much more enjoyable than I thought it would be.

Notes and Suggestions:
(I jot as I go, take from them what you will.)

The opening scene with them headed to the bedroom and the shirt getting tangled in her hair is tight, concise and flows well. Very believable.

Your dialogue is good, the banter back and forth is spot on. You can definitely tell this is a rewritten draft. It is paced and written well.

Your descriptions are for the most part well handled. (You keep them to the point, which helps drive us down the page.) You might want to ease back on a few of the “unfilmables” in your descriptions, you rely on them a lot when introducing characters. As entertaining and detailed as they are for the reader, they aren’t something a director can covey or shoot onto film. (Like: “looks like the kind of guy you knew in college; you never saw him in class but always at the bars.”) If it is important, work it into the dialogue or put it into the description in a filmable way.

You might want the “get even” conversation to come a little later (not to much later) when they are a bit drunker. It is a pretty big / quick leap the way you have it, which doesn’t ring true. (But, would if they were drunk and talking more smack.) However, when she later decides to seek revenge, that is timed perfectly.

Capitalize your usage of the Man on the elevator. For all practical purposes that is his character’s name in your story, treat it as such. (Same with the Receptionist, the Cop and your other “unofficially named characters”.)
The ball going back and forth with more hostility during the presentation works very well.

You have a lot of stuff that really works well in this. And, everything is paced right were it should be. It is a fun and sweet story, even with the revenge element. (Have to say though, I do not love the title.) With only a couple tweaks and polishes it will be dead on.

Good job with this. Thanks for sharing.

LOVED IT
By: Gail Moss
Review of: The Revenge Artist (4th Draft)
on: 06/30/2010
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WOW!
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Review of: The Revenge Artist (4th Draft)
on: 06/16/2010
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Review of: The Revenge Artist (4th Draft)
on: 06/10/2010
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