Review of BAD ACTORS
Let me start by saying it is very rare I laugh out loud when reading a script. But, I did when I read, "...the other is a mezzo soprano on the diplomatic circuit." (p32)
Unfortunately I don't think it was intended to be a laugh line.
This juxtaposition of intent and result sort of captures what I feel about this script, which is while it can't exactly be considered a "good" script, it sure is a fun one. And that is a quality quite a number of "technically better" scripts lack.
BAD ACTORS is somewhat dated (the OJ Simpson cameo), is absurdly high budget, has an unfocused premise, unintentionally bad dialogue, cartoonish characters, and is sloppily written. That being said, I did truly enjoy it.
There's an admirable energy and infectious enthusiasm brought to the page by the writer. And, to be fair about the dialogue, "Yah, lubricants...the industrialized world runs on them." (p59) is an intentionally and successfully funny line.
While the script is quite obviously a train wreck from page 1, much less by the time everyone and their mothers board the Amtrak "rock" train- including, among others, the Rolling Stones, the WWE, and the national cheerleading team- screw it, I'm happily along for the ride.
In terms of suggestions for improvement, the first thing to do is go after the low-hanging fruit: the presentation on the page. Start with the "ich actor?#" page numbers. Then, go after typos, spacing, grammatical errors, etc.
Next, dump the narrator. Way too much exposition. You simply don't need a narrator to tell the audience obvious things as, for example, you do on page 9:
NARRATOR (V.O)
The Red Light Ranch is a front for
an Air Force Communications
Station.
It is linked to the satellites of
the world by Ground Positioning
Satelites, GPS.
(It is also an example of a spacing error, and a spelling mistake.)
And you really SHOULDN'T need a nameless narrator to fill in details, like on page 79 when in the middle of Moriarty's CIA flashback, this nameless narrator informs us:
NARRATOR (V.O)
Moriarty is a CIA operative attached to the team.
Moving along on issues of more substance, you have some workable elements: I like the Holmes and Moriarty, and I like the idea of a supposed scheme to steal the gold shipment off the "rock train." But, there's too much going on, too many story threads, settings and characters. I think you're being a little overly ambitious.
What you need to do is take just the best of what you got and distill it all into a coherent and TIGHT logline. Essentially: Who, doing what, opposed by whom, and what's at stake.
My suggestion is to strip out everything that isn't directly related to the train, and the "gold" on it. Start as page 1 your current Page 28 with Moriarty auditioning the "bad actors", as this is really where your story starts.
Initially, I wasn't going to recommend continued work on this script, and for you to take your energy and enthusiasm and tackle a more viable concept, but I've changed my mind. I think there's absolutely a decent script somewhere in here waiting to emerge.
In any case, the above is just my 1.5 cents of opinion. Take it for what it's worth. Thank you for the read.
-Matt
Review
Reviews of Bad Actors (6)
Reviews by Matthew Spira (129)
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Uploaded by: James Moriarty
Synopsis: This is a satire of those Bad Actors who antagonize us all: thieves, whores, murderers, pimps. Corrupt politicians & lobbyists. Executives who lie.
Where they trained for the theatre, TV and film?
Where do they learn their profession: antagonists? The Lincoln Road Theatre, South Beach, Miami. They are directed by the American descendents of Professor Moriarty.
Adjacent to the South Beach Playhouse is the Miami House of Models, run by a femme fatale. She is coded named "Dominatrix" by the Intell agencies who contract her services.
Dominatrix travels the world detecting sources of gold coming to Miami--on its way to the New York Federal Reserve--on the Rock Train, a night train loaded with models, actors, touring groups, and gold bullion. "Some Like It Hot."
Dominatrix's life intersects with the conflict of James Moriarty, an ex CIA agent, and Jack Holmes, the Director of the Secret Service who protects the bullion.
Moriarty and Holmes fight it out in Quantico's pugil pits and the subway at 44th & Broadway with big, wet mops.
Bad Actors are distributed along the east coast to theatres and TV studios.
LeRoy and Jackson prove the difference between acting and the real deal in the theft of gold.
Scientists Wilhem & Click along with a Persian Gulf Sheik provide us with humorous supporting characters. Some one has to get the Sheik's daughters pregnant!
Why not the sperm/egg Lab of South Beach?
Laughter and gold are distributed along with action and eroticism. Escapism is one of the reasons we go to movies. M
Format: PDF
Length: 111 pages
Uploaded on: 2008-12-12 14:53:58
Genre: Action, Comedy
Bio: A.B. Holy Cross. M.A. Psychology, Michigan State. ex Rugby, George Washington RFC. Science News & American Psychological Assn. Writer. Rugby. Native Washingtonian, D.C.
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