This was an enjoyable read. I didn't know what to expect from a script following a biker gang but I found myself invested in it. Good job.

A couple things I wanted to comment on. I got the impression the threat of war with the Players was the main storyline. I was intrigued by the idea of a biker gang battling a larger more powerful crime organization.

If this is the main story you need to get to it a lot sooner. I'd say within the 1st 25 pages. As it stands Deke and Snake touch on it a couple times throughout the script then bang! there's a big shoot out 100 pages into it.

War should be eminent. A war where the Knights are outnumbered and outgunned. You set up the characters real well now let's see how they react with impending doom lingering over their heads.

You've got some great stuff with Darrell losing his mother and Denny but I don't think it's necessary. This could be relayed in dialogue. Same with his time in the House. Feed us this information a little at a time. Make the audience curious about what drove Darrell to his addiction.

Also, I have no qualms with him being 19, but I feel like he should be older. Someone who has lived long enough to make grown up mistakes. Thinking out loud here, but commit to Darrell doing some serious jail time. Maybe he's out and wants to start over. Meets and falls for Candy and this brings him to Ronnie.

The synopsis implicates Darrell and Ronnie's relationship is the center of the story. Focus on them when not on the Knights vs Players war. Darrell's trying to keep Ronnie from making the mistakes he did. This will add some friction between Darrell and Deke. Again, just thinking out loud.

The strength of the script is easily your characters. There was the point where I felt the story needed to get going but I didn't mind because I had a genuine interest in the characters. 100 points for that.

Great start. I know that show "Sons of Anarchy" on FX is hot right now so I wouldn't see any reason why this couldn't work. Best of luck.

Review
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