I can appreciate the message here. Fight for your dreams. Millions try to escape poverty everyday. Etc. Unfortunately, your efforts are dampered somewhat by loads of on-the-nose dialogue and simple spelling or grammar errors.

I won't detail the spelling here, but needless to say you should get a friend to go through this with a red pen. There are also numerous times where you have two sentences when you should have one, or commas in the wrong place. Try reading this script out loud and maybe you'll see what I mean.

The dialogue really stopped my enjoyment of this potentially gripping read. Often times, characters simply stated what they were feeling. "I want to leave this place and move somewhere nicer." Movie dialogue is all about subtext, of which you have very little. All the characters sound the same in that broken English we expect all Africans speak. Sometimes, I found your characters speaking in common American phrasing which would really jolt an audience right out of your story.

Your script suffers from a close comparison to Slumdog Millionaire. Perhaps study that script for the best ways to handle the early scenes where Daniel and Samuel are young.

You handle action pretty well. It's obvious you know how to write a screenplay, keep the tension up, and give us relatively short action and description lines.

It's an ambitious topic you're tackling. And you treat it with respect. There's no winking at the camera or feeble attempts at comedy. This is serious stuff and I appreciate what you've tried to do here. I'm still confused on how Samuel got to England and found Daniel, but I suppose you could cover that in the next draft.

Overall, a nice effort, with dialogue and spelling problems in dire need of addressing.

Four
By: tarboy
Review of: Four Days (old)
on: 12/02/2009
First off, congratulations on finishing a screenplay! That's a big achievement! This is just my opinion. Take it with a... [more]

What It's Like
By: bloodmeridian2004
Review of: Four Days (old)
on: 11/27/2009
Hey Russell: I like immigrant stories. My favorite book on the subject, although its credibility has been challenged, is ANGELA'S... [more]

One Review of Four Days
By: bthielke
Review of: Four Days (old)
on: 11/25/2009
this was a generally engaging story and fairly well written. here's my comments: Concept- I think unfortunately these types of... [more]

Writer's Block
By: Angelus77
Review of: Writers Block Ver 3
on: 02/04/2010
Thoughts while reading: p.4, Don't write a Scene Heading followed immediately by dialogue. You must have an action line to... [more]

Review: Paawapui
By: Angelus77
Review of: Pa'a'wapui
on: 12/07/2009
First of all, great title. Eye-catching and funny. I hope you don't get in trouble for borrowing from Dr. Strangelove,... [more]

Review: Marooned Minds
By: Angelus77
Review of: MAROONED MINDS
on: 12/04/2009
What a great concept! I'm not too big on movies focused on old people, but this one got me a... [more]

You know, we never get tired of saying it: yet another TriggerStreet.com screenplay submission has... [more]

Earn credits to get reviews of your comic books! You can now request to be... [more]

Yet another TriggerStreet.com screenplay submission has been recognized with a consider from professional script coverage... [more]