There's a lot to like here. I think it has the makings for a great holiday pic. (Minus some of the language, though). A couple things I'd like to mention.

First, there are entirely too many characters. Between Tommy and his friends and the characters they run into, it's difficult to keep track of everyone.

I'd start with combining some of the kids. You don't need James and Peter or Sarah, Kate, and JJ. I think you could get away with Tommy, James and Kate. This gives you a chance to explore their triangle.

You've got too many people coming along for the ride, too. Cort, Alphonse, and Evelet seem like the principal characters. Everyone else should just be characters they meet along the way. Like Alice in Wonderland.

I feel like the story should either be about the pendant or the "capture Kate" angle, but not both.

If you went with the pendant idea I think it would be interesting if everyone was after it for different reasons - Kardis wants it for power, Cort wants it for money and Tommy needs it to get home.

or

The Kate/Evelet story should start the moment Tommy, James and Kate arrive. Evelet has already disappeared, Kardis' knights mistaken Kate for her and snatch her up. The kids will still need to get to Samarkand but Tommy and James have to rescue Kate first.

I dig the world you created. The mix of medieval and sci-fi could work. It reminds me of the "Oz" movie the SyFy Channel did not too long ago with Alan Cummings and Richard Dryfuss.

I hope some of this is productive. Best of luck to you.

Fantastic!
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