Hey Kele:

I think your script has a lot of potential.

At this stage—I think the most important decision to make for future drafts is tone.

Maybe tone isn’t the right word.

What I meant to say was marketability.

And, given that this story has some heart, I think it would be wise to go for a “G” rating.

And I think that’s going to be extremely difficult, but it could be a huge payoff.

If this were my story, I’d watch my favorite “G” movie, THE ROOKIE, to see that the limitation of mild language is not crippling.

And I would seriously consider focusing more on the dogs, maybe even to the point of them talking (like LOOK WHO’S TALKING.)

And if you don’t want to take it that far, another great family movie to see is MY DOG SKIP.

To me, the novelty of your story lies more in the whole under-appreciated work of service dogs—indeed—service animals in general, an less in the romance between Maggie and Gerry.

By the way, I like your characterization.

I could see Jude Law and Meg Ryan as the leads.

I was hoping that the term “anti-anxiety” service dog would come up at some point—I used one as a character in my script KARST—because I love the notion of a psychiatrist prescribing one instead of pills (this does happen if you are not familiar with this type of service dog—they are used mostly to help cope with post traumatic stress disorder.)

I know my suggestion is pretty radical, but nothing prevents you from doing a LOOK WHO’S TALKING version, a MY DOG SKIP version and a sort of MURPHY’S ROMANCE version, which is what you have here.

Sorry for the Hollywoodspeak shorthand, but I think you get the drift.

I think stories are like songs that can be played different ways.

READING NOTES:

p3: This bit tells what we’ve already seen and kills subtext:

GERRY
Enjoy it? I can't even leave the
hotel without taking medication.

I’d omit it and let Gerry’s look do the talking.

p16 Another bit of overwritten dialogue.

MAGGIE
Come on outside. It's an incredible
night.

I’d omit “It’s an incredible night” and instead describe it in the description that follows.

p17 Personal aside: I love service dogs—I had one as a character in KARST (an anti-anxiety dog for a woman who survived the Serbian rape camps.)

p17 LOL @ “you’re a lesbian” and Maggie spewing wine. :-)

p29 You, need/You need

p32 I’d consider omitting:

MAGGIE
Oh, God! Do I have a choice?

feels like this kills subtext.

p42 Feels like an entire scene is missing here: If Maggie is winning hearts and minds with her TV interview, we need to see it. Plus, if this is a romantic comedy, then there’s loads of chances for tension here.

p54 Where did you,/Where did you

pp55-56 Pete’s introduction feels a bit forced, maybe he could be shown reacting to Maggie on TV (if the missing scene existed.)

pp56-57 I don’t understand Maggie’s motivation for having a fancy night out with Pete—a lot could happen to force her to him—maybe it’s a secret meeting that he blackmails her into so as not to reveal to the world that she’s harboring a missing movie star.

p78 involved./involved?

P96 What kind of dog you are./ What kind of dog you are?

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Loads of potential here and lots of different ways to play it. I hope you have a few more drafts of this left in you. This could be fantastic.

And, as a totally weird and useless tangent, my favorite service animal movie is Romero’s MONKEY SHINES. It’s a dark fantasy about “helping hands” gone wrong.

best wishes,
Paul

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