I don’t know if this story (vampires versus aliens) is very original, I’m not really into sci-fi, but I must say it was an enjoyable ride. I hope you realize this is the kind of movie you can only make with an astronomical budget, which limits the chances of getting sold. Especially the rhythm of this story is very good, it accelerates toward the end, as it should. The start of this script end the end still need some work on the story, you’ll find in my notes why.
Good luck with this

Kurt

Notes while reading:


Pg 1 No bold for scene headings

Pg 8 “I don't why you're…”

What are the odds that you’re bitten by a vampire right after meeting a girl who makes a thesis about vampires? I don’t like that kind of coincidences in a screenplay. And what is she doing on an astronomers meeting anyway?

You don’t even need this kind of awkward exposition, since on pg 19, Sam goes to the library.

I think Sam is intelligent enough to think about the possibility of vampirism. he could go the library, learn there that the girl is an expert on the subject and contact her himself. Then you could focus on the signals from Mars in the opening scene with the astronomers.

Pg 21 shouldn’t that be “to not kill your eat or NOT eat your kill?”

Pg 28 “the last of the tendrils retracts back and deposits his nose in the center of his face.” I like that very much.

Pg 49 These euh… people have difficulties recognizing an atomic mushroom?

Pg 51 What’s the use of hiding in a bunker if the aliens are in the bunker?

Pg 52 “Crime in Italy.”?

Pg 53 A thirty year old teenager?

Pg 54 “the alien foot-soldiers” you need to describe the aliens at this point

Pg 63 “bothers-in-arms” nice typo!

Pg 64 he alien squad

Pg 99 I have difficulties with the vampires hanging on the outside of the spacecraft. What about the lack of pressure?

Pg 117 “The aliens on the other side succeed in blasting a
small hole in the airlock door.” What’s the use of an airlock door if blasting holes in it has no consequences?

Coming to think of it, your script’s title is quite lame. Why “Astrophobia”? There is nothing in this script that seems to justify this title. I’m sure you can come up with something more relevant

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